“I’ll just wait and see…”
Ladies, gentlemen, and all others reading these words, let me introduce you to one of the worst phrases in the dating and relationships world. Chances are fairly high that you’ve met before, but maybe you haven’t yet identified the sheer fuckedupedness of the phrase. Let’s try and change that.
John and Kate met online. They had a pretty good first date, both saying they’d like to see the other again. Kate tells herself she’ll wait and see how long it takes John to ask her out again, believing that will give her some kind of indication of how much he likes her. John, on the other hand, waits for Kate to organise their second date because he organised the first one.
Or how about Libby and Mike: dating for a few months when Mike’s birthday rolls around. Mike comes from a big family where all kinds of fuss is made about someone on their birthday. He doesn’t tell Libby, but he expects her to organise something special to mark the day. A day of surprises, including time with his friends and family, is his ideal. He waits and sees what she comes up with, feeling hurt when Libby’s carefully chosen gift doesn’t come close to what he was hoping for.
There are more examples where those came from, but the year’s almost over and it’s time to move on. Waiting and seeing in relationships (or potential relationships) is the 2017 equivalent of smoking to promote good health. It’s not particularly clever.
Here’s what I propose:
Move past the passive aggressive waiting and seeing that seems to be permeating the dating and relationships world, and get down with actual, genuine communication. If you want something – or if you don’t want something – articulate it. “I like you. This date has been fun. When would suit you for a second date?” is a fuckload better than waiting for someone else to contact you to organise a date that you really want.
It’s not about giving someone else the masterplan for how to get into your heart or your bed. It’s about realising that your time is precious. “Uhm, actually, I think we’d be better as friends” can hurt to hear, but it takes a lot less time and heartache than waiting for someone else to make a move that you desperately hope they will make.
Stop waiting. Love isn’t a game. You either gel with someone, or you don’t. Be honest about who you are and what you want or need, and let yourself discover if the person / people you are dating are capable of providing what will nourish you.
Let’s leave waiting and seeing in the past, where it belongs.